squeezes, cracks, breaks, shatters
by aroundpeginasquarehole
Summary: He hasn't seen her look this small since she actually was small, and she makes his heart squeeze painfully.


He sits on the couch, staring mindlessly at the shopping channel he happened to land on. He hears padding coming from the stairs but doesn't turn towards them, knowing that they can only belong to one person.

She shuffles her way over to the couch, dragging the tan blanket that's wrapped around her behind her and he hears her taking a shuddering breath.

She walks around the couch and sits sideways on his lap without a second thought, burying her head into the crook of his neck, stretching her legs out in front of her.

Castle wraps his arms around her, pulling her closer as she wraps her arms around his neck, taking a breath so deep that Castle can feel her lungs move with his arms around her. Her hair tickles his nose and he sighs.

"Hi." She whispered, closing her eyes.

"Hey baby girl." He whispered back, tucking a lock of her curly brown hair behind her ear.

"Is she really gone daddy?" Castle's heart squeezes when he realizes that the last time Teagan called him daddy was when the top of her head barely reached his elbow.

Castle nodded, tears springing to his eyes once more.

"Yeah. Yeah she's really gone sweetheart." He feels her tighten her grip around the blanket and swallow thickly.

They sit in silence and the host on the tv gushes about the product they're trying to sell. Castle reaches for the remote and mutes it before pulling his daughter closer to him.

"I didn't get to say goodbye." She whispers and Castle feels his heart crack even more. "I was in a different country having fun with my friends and she died and I didn't even get to say goodbye and tell her how much I loved her and that-"

"Oh Teag. Teagan, sweetie don't think like that." Teagan begins to shake in his arms and the sob that comes out of her small body almost breaks him completely.

"Daddy I miss her so much already." She sobs out and Castle pulls her closer to him, trying to stop the sobs that wrack her body.

"I miss her too Teagan. I miss her so much." He whispers to her, tears of his own rushing down his cheeks and into her hair.

They sit there for a while, Teagan sobbing into his chest while he cries into her hair and he realizes that this is hell. That with his wife, the mother of their daughter, one of the three most important people in his life is _gone_ and he can barely hold it together for himself, let alone for their seventeen year old daughter.

And then he realizes once more that fate has a twisted way of messing with them because what happened to Kate is happening to their daughter and he vows to himself right then that he will never let himself drink himself to oblivion, will _never_ make their daughter feel like the way Kate felt after her mother died. Like she'd lost both parents instead of one.

They sit on the couch until the early sun starts to peek its way through the curtains, lighting the floor before finally climbing up to touch his legs.

Teagan's still awake in his arms, her sobs finally subsiding but tears still streaming down her face.

"Come on I'll take you to bed." He says, sliding his arm underneath her knees and standing up, groaning as his back protests and his knees pop.

"Dad I can go up the stairs myself." She whispers, starting to wiggle in his arms. He tightens his grip on her and she stops moving, just settling to put her head back in the crook of his neck and wrapping her arms around his neck.

He walks up the stairs, his back twinging in pain with every stair he takes but he doesn't regret any of it as he starts to feel Teagan finally drift off.

He walks into her room and gently sets her in her bed, fixing the blanket she's been wrapped up in so she's actually covered up again.

He goes to walk back to the guest room, -because there's no way in hell he's sleeping in their room just yet. He wants to breath in her smell, but at the same time he can't face her empty side of the bed just yet- when Teagan grabs his hand.

"Can you stay daddy?" She pleads, her voice only a small whimper. His heart breaks then and he nods.

"Yeah baby I can stay." Teagan moved over so he'd have room to lay on the bed as well and when he was finally comfortable on her pillows, she wrapped her arms around him, tucking her head into his chest.

" I love you daddy." She whispered as she finally drifted off into a dreamless sleep, her nose unconsciously digging deeper into his chest.

"I love you too baby girl." He kissed the top of her head, his heart shattering when he realized just how much she looked like Kate. "I love you too."


End file.
